I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to acknowledge it. And by saying it, I have to fully acknowledge it. But here it is.
I’m afraid. My confidence is shaken. Between the upper GI issues I’ve experienced first at Graveyard and then at Lookout Mountain and now the nagging tendon pain, I’m starting to question Rocky. I wish I had never signed up. Never put myself out there to take on something so big because it’s scary. As much as I want it, as hard as I’ve trained, it might not be enough.
It’s a big question mark and I’m not sure I have the answer.
I have always felt confident that if I showed up at the start line fully trained and 100% that I could finish. Now, I wonder if it’s even possible. I’ll still show up. I might not be 100%. My training hasn’t been flawless. Is it enough?
Less than a month to go. Maybe this is just pre-race jitters. The start of taper madness. But, for the first time in a long time, I’m beginning to wonder if I have what it takes.
4 weeks from tomorrow there will be a start line. I will fight fiercely. I will dig deep. I will give 100% of my body, my mind. And then I will give more.
It’s not a given. And I have to be okay with that. Even if it’s a little scary.